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鈥淐an I schedule a conference with you?鈥�

Do these words cause anxiety?

If so, you鈥檙e not alone. But communicating with parents and guardians is one of the most important things we do, and it may be even more important now as more schools turn to remote instruction.

As an educator with 19 years of classroom experience, I have met a wide variety of parent聽types. Some are absolute blessings, and a few haven鈥檛 been quite as pleasant. Through the years, I have cultivated habits and routines to start off the school year on a positive note. I compare this work to that of a gardener鈥檚. Seeds planted in August will bloom all the way to June.

Plant the Seeds Early in the Year

Author and podcaster Angela Watson ends each episode with, 鈥淚t won鈥檛 be easy,聽but it will be worth it.鈥� I repeat this mantra as I compose an individual and personal email to聽each family during the first week of school. The first week of school is crazy busy. Who has time to compose dozens of emails? But you should find the time because it will be worth it. This is a sample of an email that I send to each family by the end of the first week of school:

Mr. Jones and Dr. Garcia,

It is such a pleasure having Sofia in my Grade 7 pre-algebra class this year. I can already tell聽that she has a fun sense of humor. I hope to see you at parent night scheduled for 6 p.m. September 14.

[Include your photo or a link to a short video introducing yourself and some class basics, especially if your class is virtual.]

• Use your school student information system (if available) to correctly address the聽parents by their titles and last names. If you鈥檙e not sure, use a generic greeting such as 鈥淕arcia/Jones Family.鈥� Also note if a student is new to the school. This introductory email is especially welcoming and reassuring for new families.
• Mention one good thing you have observed about the student. You build relationships聽by making your first contact a positive one. Do this early in the year, because Sofia may聽perform poorly on a quiz or throw a pencil across the room the next week. You don鈥檛 want that to be your first outreach to the parents.
• If possible, remind them when they can meet you in person or online (open house, parent night, Zoom meet and greet, etc.). This will appease the overly eager parents who may want to schedule a meeting in the first two weeks of school when time is scarce.

Send Happy Notes

Periodically send 鈥渉appy notes鈥� to parents randomly throughout the year. Keep these notes succinct, informal, and specific. Explain how a student did something helpful or had an insightful comment during a class discussion. Copy or BCC an administrator on these emails if you feel it is appropriate. Aim to send a note to each family throughout the year.

When the News Isn鈥檛 So Happy

OK, you鈥檝e sent the introductory email, presented a stellar parent night, and maybe even sent a happy note, but now you need to reach out to a parent with not-so-good news. Hopefully,聽through your prior communications you have planted the seeds for a trusting and caring relationship. The parents may be more open to hearing your concerns at this point.

• If the situation is minor, go ahead and send a quick email to parents. Be sure to聽conclude with suggestions on how the student can improve his or her performance or behavior. Use supportive language and come from a place of 鈥淚鈥檓 here to help.鈥�
• If the email is longer than a paragraph or contains sensitive content, send a request for a phone call. Provide two possible time slots for the call and the reason for it.

Pick Up the Phone

In a phone conversation you can hear tone, volley questions back and forth, and end the conversation in a timely manner without dragging it out with a chain of emails. Write yourself a聽script to get started:

鈥淗ello Ms. Vanwinkle, I am not sure if you have had a chance to review Kevin鈥檚 recent quiz. It seems that he wasn鈥檛 quite prepared. He left 10 out of the 20 questions聽blank. I was hoping to work together to see if we can find out more about what may have聽happened.鈥�

This introduction is nonblaming, fact-based, and cooperative. Once you have聽stated the issue, be quiet and let her talk. After answering her questions, suggest steps for improvement, and remind the parent how you will support Kevin at school and how they can support him at home.

The 10 Percent

Ninety percent of parents will be supportive and understanding. Then there鈥檚 the other 10 percent. Some of these parents will be rude, overbearing, or poorly behaved because of factors that have nothing to do with you personally. Remain calm and kind, because you have no idea what life experiences they have been through, especially now as we all cope with the negative effects of Covid-19. That being said, you deserve to be treated with respect and should never allow verbal abuse.

Don鈥檛 be shy about asking for help. If you fear that a parent may get out of hand, request that you meet with an administrator present, either in his or her office or via videoconference.

If a meeting was tense, follow up with an email to the parent and copy or BCC an聽administrator. Such an email provides documentation of what was discussed and also informs the admin team of the current status of the child鈥檚 progress.

Thinking about the next school year, whether we teach face-to-face, virtually, or in a hybrid model,聽plan how you will plant the seeds of relationship building with parents. To welcome parents into聽your online class environment, consider recording periodic screencasts demonstrating how to聽access and utilize the learning management system, class calendar, or other features they聽might find helpful. Perhaps your happy notes can include screenshots of their child鈥檚 work. No matter what the situation looks like for schools, take some time to consider how you might nurture your garden for the benefit of your students and your own well-being as a teacher.