麻豆传媒入口

Soon after the Oklahoma City bombing, in 1995, children in a nearby kindergarten started playing dead. Over and over, they toppled towers of blocks and lay motionless on the floor. When their teacher asked them to tell her about what was happening in their play, the students informed her that they had all been killed by terrorists.

The play continued in this vein for some time鈥攕mashed towers, splayed-out children鈥攗ntil their teacher asked if they might be interested in building a hospital. 鈥淪he went in with stethoscopes, masks, and bandages, and helped kids move towards a phase that was focused on care and healing,鈥� says Nancy Carlsson-Paige, a professor emerita at Lesley University in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and an expert on the ways young children process trauma through play.

That expertly handled transition鈥攔ecognizing that the children were stuck and might need a nudge鈥攄emonstrates a few important principles about play, according to Carlsson-Paige. First, the teacher did not judge the children鈥檚 play or let her own anxieties about the situation seep through. For young children, she understood, play is the only way to work through everything they wrestle with, from everyday challenges to anxiety, fear, and even loss and death. Second, while the teacher left plenty of room for discovery, she stepped in when the play turned obsessive, redirecting her students in a way that was both well-timed and developmentally appropriate.

As the world confronts the novel coronavirus pandemic, an economic depression, and global protests about racism and systemic inequalities, children are being exposed to painful and often scary ideas鈥攁nd their play will reflect their efforts to make sense of what they see and hear.

Why Children Play Through Grief and Loss

The late Vivian Gussin Paley, a kindergarten teacher, recipient of the MacArthur 鈥済enius鈥� grant, and author of on children鈥檚 play lives, : 鈥淭he young child wants to play. He wants to play because intuitively he understands that through play he will understand more about who he is than in any other format.鈥�

Seth Aronson, a psychologist and the Director of Curriculum, Training and Supervising Analyst at the William Alanson White Institute of Psychiatry, Psychoanalysis, and Psychology in New York City, extends that line of thinking into play that involves the processing of fear, anxiety, or loss.

鈥淥ne of the functions that play serves for kids is it allows them to approach something that might be frightening in a way that makes it less frightening and more understandable,鈥� he says. Through play, children 鈥渃ontrol the tempo and the pace and the content鈥� of a situation and gain the ability to anticipate what happens next鈥攁ll of which can take the sting out of scary situations. 鈥淲henever there鈥檚 any kind of scary or traumatic situation, play really allows the child the displacement and the space to play out some of those things,鈥� he says. 鈥淚f it鈥檚 happening to a doll, it鈥檚 not really happening to me.鈥�

In other words, imaginative play not only enables children to better understand reality鈥攂y helping them to inhabit the perspectives of, say, both a doll patient and a stuffed animal doctor鈥攂ut also to quickly change the narrative when the reality becomes too much to bear. (In the past two months, I鈥檝e seen this with , who repeatedly declares dolls dead before bringing them back to life.) Psychologists call these processes denial and undoing, and they鈥檙e essential to maintaining a child鈥檚 sense of safety and control.

鈥淧lay has the power to make something un-happen, to correct something that鈥檚 overwhelming,鈥� Aronson explains. For instance, a child whose grandmother recently died might say that she saw Grandma in her room, or that she played with her. 鈥淚t鈥檚 totally normal,鈥� Dr. Aronson says. 鈥淚t鈥檚 undoing the event in a way that鈥檚 comforting and soothing and helps the child deal with the loss.鈥�

How Grown-ups Can Set the Stage

Erika Christakis, a former faculty member at the Yale Child Study Center and the author of , says that the play impulse is evolutionarily hardwired in humans and 鈥渃an鈥檛 be short-circuited.鈥� Nevertheless, she says, adults play a key role in setting the groundwork for what psychologists call 鈥減roductive play鈥濃�攚hich actively helps children process their experiences and acquire emotional and cognitive skills鈥攚hile watching for signs of unproductive play, which represent and amplify feelings of distress.

The P.A.C.E. approach: Christakis says that the acronym 鈥攚hich stands for playfulness, acceptance, curiosity, and empathy鈥攊s a useful guide for helping adults interact with young children. Adults should recognize that children are navigating a tension within themselves: they want to feel powerful and independent, while also yearning to feel protected and cared for. Given this, adults should empower children with age-appropriate choices: asking them what song to sing, what to have for a snack鈥攐r what they want to play.

Generally speaking, adults shouldn鈥檛 be overly worried that children will lead themselves down roads they aren鈥檛 prepared to navigate: the very instinct to explore a subject in play likely means that the child is ready鈥攁nd perhaps needs鈥攖o do so. 鈥淐hildren are really good at getting what they need through the tools that they have,鈥� she says. She adds, 鈥淜ids can tolerate a lot as long as they know that their feelings are not creepy or wrong.鈥�

Don't shame: Sometimes children鈥檚 play can inspire uncomfortable feelings in adults, which is perfectly fine, as long as adults don鈥檛 convey to children that their play is shameful or wrong. Play is highly personal: Nancy Carlsson-Paige, the professor, says it contains 鈥渢he whole child: emotions and thoughts and physical being and social self.鈥� As such, children tend to interpret criticism or dismissal of their play as criticism or dismissal of themselves.

鈥淭he healthiest, most nurturing thing we can do for children is to join them in their feelings,鈥� Christakis says. She encourages adults to communicate that 鈥渢here鈥檚 nothing you could say to me that would be too weird, too annoying.鈥�

Create the conditions for imaginative exploration: To encourage children to play out what鈥檚 on their minds, experts recommend providing children with 鈥渕ulti-use鈥� toys鈥攇eneric objects like blocks and wooden dolls, onto which children can project what they need to project. When children have a Superman action figure, they tend to play out Superman storylines; but when they have a faceless figure, they engage with their own thoughts and emotions, what they find exciting, troubling, or confusing. It鈥檚 these scenarios that are most conducive to productive play, which reflects some aspects of a child鈥檚 experience or imagination.

Watch for unproductive play: In rare situations, play鈥攐r a lack thereof鈥攃an be a cause for concern. Generally speaking, adults should not intervene in children鈥檚 play. However, 鈥渋f the child鈥檚 play makes the child anxious, when it鈥檚 too literal for the child, or when it鈥檚 obsessive and repetitive鈥攖hat鈥檚 a sign that the play isn鈥檛 serving its purpose,鈥� says Aronson, the New York psychologist. In these situations, adults can gently introduce new elements or coax the narrative in a new direction, as the teacher in Oklahoma did when her kindergarteners repeatedly revisited the terrorist attack.

鈥淚 always look for some kind of change in play,鈥� says Carlsson-Paige. If that change doesn鈥檛 occur鈥攊f the same troubling event is rehashed over and over, with the same outcome each time鈥攊ntervention, or psychological attention, may be merited.

However, what may be most concerning is the absence of play. When Carlsson-Paige聽spent time in El Salvador in the early 1990s, during the country鈥檚 civil war, the children she encountered there were so traumatized they didn鈥檛 play at all. When she returned the next year, after the war鈥檚 conclusion, play had returned.

鈥淐hildren need to have a certain sense of safety to go into an imaginary play zone,鈥� she asserts. Adults can provide that safe space at this tumultuous and historic moment鈥攂eing careful to strike the right balance between the freedom children need to explore difficult subject matter on their own, and the periodic need to step in when kids get stuck.